Simply Ageless
by merily
Summary: Live your life, take chances, be crazy. Dont wait 'cause right now is the oldest you've ever been & the youngest you'll be ever again.
At the age of thirteen, almost three years after the start of her journey, Dawn finally won her first Grand Festival and gained the title of Top Coordinator. It was in Hoenn, and it was a slow and hard process. It was worth it when she had narrowly defeated Ursula. When she was sixteen, she won her second Grand Festival. This time it was in Sinnoh, and she had gone up against a trainer she hadn't even known. It was after her second win that Dawn realized that being a coordinator wasn't what she wanted to do with her life anymore.

By the time she turned eighteen, she had spent two years traveling the regions with Kenny and Barry trying to 'rediscover' herself. She was eighteen and a quarter when she decided to become a Poke-Stylist. Her mom took that the hardest. Johanna always thought that she would go back to being a Top Coordinator, and that it was just a teenager type of thing. But it wasn't, and she stayed and supported her daughter in any way she could, even putting her into contact with her old rival, Lila.

Dawn was eighteen and a half when she was engaged to Kenny. The past two years brought them past the squabbling, childish crushes from that their ten year old selves carried. It brought them closer, and though Dawn set herself on a different path, their relationship was stronger than ever. She was married at nineteen. Her mother didn't approve. No one really approved, but they let the two teenagers insist that it was what they wanted to do. But still, everyone tried to put their worry aside, and listen to Dawn's reassuring ' _no need to worry!'_ even if that's what made them worry the most.

* * *

Dawn hadn't wanted to admit that marrying at nineteen was a mistake. Their first problem arose when Dawn realized that Kenny was away more often than he was home. He was still a traveler, and she was not. She stayed in Hearthome City with her pokemon and her job under Paris and Hermione. She didn't miss the constant traveling or staying in tents or seeing other places- she had been places before, and now what she wanted to do was her job and spend her life with her pokemon and her husband. But how could she spend time with her husband when he was never there?

"- just saying that maybe you could spend more time at home!" Dawn burst during one of their calls. Kenny had been away for nearly three weeks and was already planning another trip towards Snowpeak City. He hadn't even gotten back yet.

"DeeDee c'mon!" Kenny sighed. "I'm just doing my _job!"_

"I know, but... I just... I miss you! I feel like I never see you anymore, and I just feel lonely!" Dawn tried a different angle. He could do his job in Hearthome City, it was the home of contests. Beside he hardly competed anymore, he mostly worked as a judge!

"Aw DeeDee, I miss you too!" Kenny coo'd through the screen, with Dawn grimacing as he tapped it from his side. She wasn't a fish. " But this is my job, I love my job! C'mon, you know how it is. I would never ask you to cut back on your job, right?"

Dawn sighed. He was right. She knew he was right. She wondered if it would be worth going with him, if that would help anything. But Dawn didn't want to live the life of a constant traveler anymore. "I know... I just... Wish I saw you more often, ya know?"

"I know. But I'll be home before ya know it! Okay, Dawn?" Kenny grinned at her, and she gave a weak smile back.

"Yeah, no need to worry, right?" Kenny's grin faltered for a moment, before he nodded.

"Yeah. No need to worry."

* * *

But Dawn would worry. A year into the marriage and Dawn was fairly sure he had only been home for five months total. That left seven months of working and traveling and _fun_ while she was left home alone to look after the apartment. To spend time with her pokemon as well as the pokemon he left behind. And Dawn grew even more concerned when she figured out _it_ was _late_.

Dawn was twenty years and four days old when she learned that she was pregnant. Kenny wasn't home, and all she had was Piplup to keep her company as she peed on a stick.

"Oh my _god_ ," Dawn moaned loudly as she glowered at the little plus sign on the test. Her piplup was on the counter, trying to sooth her.

" _Lup-piplup!_ " He waved enthusiastically. Dawn glanced at him.

"Don't you look at me like that, this is a total _need to worry_ situation!" Dawn burst angrily at her pokemon. Piplup cringed, and she groaned loudly, reaching to pat him apologetically on the head. "Oh, I'm sorry!" she moaned. "You don't deserve to be yelled at Piplup!"

This couldn't be happening to her. She and Kenny couldn't have a baby! She couldn't be having a baby. How would she be able to take care of it! ... Him? Her? Not with how things were going... Not that things were going _bad,_ it was just… Kenny was barely home, and when he was they just seemed to be at each other's throats. They would blow up about such useless things like how much of a gap to leave when buttering toast to the new color that Dawn picked for the living room even though she had _showed_ him through a call and he said it was fine! The only thing they seemed to do remotely well together was sex.

If they couldn't agree on butter or paint colors, how were they supposed to raise a child? She couldn't do this alone.

Staring at the test, she shook her head. "This can't be happening. Maybe the test is wrong- I have to go get a new one this is ridiculous, _oh my god!_ " Her pokemon jumped as his trainer began to throw on shoes. Dawn swore up and down as rushed out of the house, barely pausing to pick a worried Piplup up.

She was lucky they lived near a drugstore. She was lucky that no one from work saw her in sweatpants or with her hair pulled back in a messy bun- not the cute kind- and with shoes that didn't quite match the season. But this was an emergency. She wasn't lucky, however, to run into someone she hadn't seen or heard from since her wedding.

Grabbing what she needed, she hurriedly ran back up the isle to check out when she slammed shoulders into someone. "Oh _god_ , I'm sorry, I just- _Paul_?" Dawn squeaked in surprise and slight mortification, while her pokemon squawked loudly behind her.

Unlike Ash and Brock, Paul hardly kept in contact with her once they had all parted separate ways. Sure, they never were really the closest of friends or really friends to begin with, so it wasn't that much of a surprise. But when she visited Reggie she would always ask how he was doing, and she even saw him a few times with she was in Hoenn. When she was traveling with Barry and Kenny, she thought the former was going to try to beat him to a pulp when they ran into him in Unova. He hadn't changed, really. His hair was cropped shorter and he was taller, but his pokemon seemed to be much happier. And while he wasn't mean anymore, he was still distant as ever. Ash was rumored to be his closet friend, and last time she felt the need to be nosy, they barely spoke once a month. And other than some small talk exchanged at her wedding ('Thanks for coming', 'How've you been', 'Have you tried the steak?', etc), Dawn hadn't seen or heard from him.

But now, here he was. Staring down at her. "Dawn." It wasn't a question, probably some sort of quiet greeting. Dawn saw his eyes flicker down to the pregnancy test in her hand. Her face burned out of embarrassment and shame. It wasn't supposed to feel like this.

She panicked. "I-I-I- You still remember my name!" Dawn blurted it out before she could stop herself. Paul had stopped pretending to forget her name by the time they were fifteen. How utterly juvenile of her to joke like that. Dawn began a splurge or word vomit she couldn't take back. "Oh I'm not- I mean I'm just- Sometimes you have to make sure- Not that you, of course, because you don't have a- I mean you aren't- I'm not- I have to _go_." Dawn avoided looking at his face, swooped Piplup up and ran to self-checkout before he could say anything to her, and then she ran out of the store, all the way back to her apartment.

It took her four hours to take the test, mostly because when she got back she actually vomited in her sink and threw herself on the couch, sobbing, suddenly utterly distraught and ashamed.

The second test was positive.

* * *

Dawn was going to tell him. She really was. She just… He was going to be back in two weeks, and why wouldn't she just wait to do it in person. In person was good, wasn't it? It built better communication skills, and maybe if he learned… Well, she hoped he would leave less often. After all that's what she wanted. She decided that she was going to keep the baby. An abortion just didn't seem… It didn't seem right for her.

But she wanted to tell _someone._ Dawn was lonely with a secret that she couldn't really… do anything about. Abortion was out of the question. While she supported the cause, Dawn just couldn't do it herself. Alone.

She told all her pokemon first because that's what seemed to be the right thing to do. Right? They should be the first to know, other than Kenny… And since Kenny wasn't home, she would tell them! After all, they would have to be the ones to adjust how they carried themselves around the house.

Slowly, Dawn became more and more excited for the baby and she was counting down days until Kenny would return home. She had visions of strollers and cribs and the cutest baby clothes on her mind. It would be beautiful. And maybe this would… _fix_ whatever was wrong with her and Kenny. Right? Her baby could do that.

Dawn went grocery shopping about two days before Kenny came home. She was waltzing up the isles, happily humming and petting Piplup, who took the child's seat in the cart. She grinned down at him as she passed the Poffin Supplies. "You know, soon this is gonna be replaced with someone begging for cookies." She grinned as Piplup gave a high pitched noise of encouragement. Dawn had just placed some berry mixes in her cart when she spied someone near the meat section.

 _Paul._

Again?! Damn it. Dawn froze. His back was to her. She could run… But why was he still here?! This couldn't be happening, what if he… Dawn ran a hand through her bangs. She couldn't… There really wasn't anything her could do to her other than, well, judge her. Or tell Kenny. But Dawn knew that Paul didn't really give a shit about what someone did or have the relationship with Kenny to do something like that. She should sort it out with him, though. Just... tell him that she had been stressed over work and someone in the office needed it. Just a little white lie, no bid deal.

As she walked towards him, Dawn suddenly remembered there was a conference happening in the next town over. He had probably just looped back around from where ever he was going to come back and attend. She didn't see him at all whenever she went out after work these past few weeks.

"Paul!" Dawn called cheerfully, dragging her cart along behind him. He only stopped examining chicken breasts for a second to glance at her. He seemed to pause slightly, before turning towards her completely.

"Dawn," he replied, nodding at her.

"I- uh…" Dawn trailed off, suddenly blanking on what the correct thing to say would be. "I… Well, I just… I wanted to, you know, apologize for... The other day. Ya know."

Paul blinked. "Okay."

Dawn felt a prick of annoyance. "Because, you know, I shouldn't have freaked."

"It's fine, Dawn."

She looked at him, eyes widening with surprise. She didn't expect him to be so... understanding? Well, it wasn't like he had a right to be mad at her, maybe a little weirded out, she probably would have been weirded out too. "Oh, okay good. I'm glad everything's alright then, I was a little frazzled, ya know?" She grinned cheekily at him.

"Right."

And then she felt major annoyance. Couldn't he have learned to say more than three words?! Like, he was what, twenty-one now? He shouldn't still have the social skills of a q-tip! Couldn't he have a nice conversation with her in the middle of the supermarket.

"Are you here for the conference?" She tried a new tactic.

"What?" Paul was staring at her, and she felt like she was being critically examined.

Dawn rolled her eyes and put her hands on her hips. "The conference in Solaceon! Are you entering?"

Paul blinked slightly, his head tilting. "Oh. No, I'm not." Dawn blinked in surprise, but before she could ask, he continued. "I am meeting with Fantina."

Dawn nodded. "How come?" she prompted, and he just sort of stared at her.

"Job."

The major annoyance that had slowly been fading away was back in an instant. Job? What the hell did that mean? She just wanted him to _talk_. She couldn't get him to talk and she couldn't get Kenny to talk! Of course, she shouldn't be comparing _Paul_ to her husband and she shouldn't even be having this conversation purely to get a social interaction that wasn't work related with Paris or boy related with Zoey or May. She just wanted to get some steam off by talking to an old friend that she happened to run into and-

"I'm pregnant!" Dawn suddenly blurted out. She saw Paul falter, and then watched his eyes widen slightly.

"Oh?" He didn't seem to know if that was a good thing or not and she watched in horror as he shifted uncomfortably before offering a "Congratulations?"

"And… uh… That's why I had a pregnancy test! And I sort of panicked and I'm sorry and I just didn't want to see you and feel really awkward and I hope the job thing goes well, like I don't know if yo- well, yeah! I'll see you around okay? Bye!" Dawn fled again, this time a little slower because she had to drag her cart with her. But she had done it. She told her secret. And it sort of felt good to get off her chest. She didn't cry when she got home. Dawn wasn't sad or ashamed or anything of the sort. She was pregnant. And this would be life changing.

And if she could tell _Paul,_ she could certainly tell her husband.

* * *

Dawn woke up at three in the morning to Kenny shuffling into the bedroom and throwing his stuff down. The light from the hallway spilled into the bedroom, and Dawn gave a quiet groan. Couldn't he be a little more quiet?

"Kenny?" she mumbled, fumbling with the blankets. She had to… Suddenly she felt wide awake. She had to tell him! Right?

"DeeDee!" he whispered back, giving a wave as he sat on the edge of the bed to take off his socks. "Go back to sleep, okay?" She wanted too. She was tired but... something wasn't right. Dawn shifted in bed, and she felt it. The wetness between her legs and suddenly she was aware of the mild cramping. "DeeDee, c'mon, go back to sleep. I don't wanna—"

But Dawn blocked him out, shifting in bed to turn on the light. But she was silently counting. She hadn't even seen a doctor yet, she had her first OB/GYN appointment scheduled for two weeks. Kenny had been gone for three weeks, and she had likely conceived twoish weeks before that. So she was about five weeks pregnant… She clicked the lamp on moved the blanket. Her petal pink pajamas and cream sheets were stained a brilliant blood red.

"Dawn what the hell is—"

She didn't move. She didn't say anything. She just sat there in a pool of her own blood in shock. Piplup, who had angrily woken up when Kenny barged in, started to screech in protest and fear. Kenny was yelling, unsure if she had just bled through on her period or if she was hurt. Dawn's head was swimming. It was all over before she had even started. She shook her head.

" _Stop_!" Dawn screamed, hurriedly trying to distance herself from the blood and herself. The two immediately silenced, and Dawn couldn't voice an explanation. The cramps in her stomach were not horrible, but they were there. Her OB/GYN had gone over risks over the phone that this could happen and she had been spotting before that, but that was supposed to be normal. This... This wasn't normal.

"Dawny?" Kenny asked.

"I'm think I'm having a miscarriage."

* * *

Kenny was silent on the way to the emergency room. Though Dawn tried to tell him she was technically fine and that she could wait until morning to visit the hospital, but he just didn't listen. Kenny barely waited for her to clean herself up while he angrily tossed the sheets into the laundry.

They admitted her to do tests and to see if it was a full miscarriage. It was here when the whole hospital could hear them fighting.

"How could you have _not_ told me?!"

"I wanted to to be a surprise! It was going to be... I didn't find out until you had gone to Snowpeak!" She wasn't even _upset_ about the baby anymore. She was just angry.

"How could you have not realized?! Don't you guys have some sort of... indicator or something?"

"We don't have some sort of machine in us that goes off every time we _conceive_ a human being! I found out a few days after you _left_!"

"Not this again, I already told you! I leave to do my job! This isn't my fault!"

"Well this isn't my fault either Kenny!" Dawn finally just screamed at him. Kenny recoiled slightly. "I just wanted you to come home, so I could tell you, and then we could... We could _change_ everything! You could stay home some more and we could be happy and I wouldn't have to run away from a friend in the middle of a drug store because I feel ashamed to be pregnant with someone who is never here! Or someone, when he is here, who all he has to say to me is I spread butter too close to the damn crust!

"... Dawny," Kenny faltered, unsure what to do or to say that would make this... better.

"My name is _Dawn_!" she screeched. Dawn felt the tears start streaming down her cheeks, and she tried to shrink herself back into the scratchy hospital sheets so she could disappear forever.

* * *

Kenny didn't leave for a long time after Dawn's miscarriage. The doctor and his chansey said it was a bad idea to leave her alone. He said that depression was absolutely common after losing a pregnancy, even if she was only five and a half weeks along. So she would be monitored when home alone and at work. No one had known, so the greatest shock wasn't that she had lost the baby, it was that she was pregnant in the first place.

The scariest part for Dawn was that they didn't talk at all. They didn't even fight. There were some times when they went several days in a row without saying anything more than a quiet goodnight. And all Dawn thought about was their days traveling with Barry. They were so happy and so free. They talked about everything together... And she just missed being able to talk to someone.

On her way home from grocery shopping, she stopped to talk to her mom at a Pokemon Center. She needed to see her face, and her cell wouldn't cut it.

"Dawn!" Johanna eyed her daughter through the screen carefully. She told Dawn she wanted to come up, but that wasn't what she wanted. Dawn insisted that she was twenty-one years old. She could handle this on her own.

"Hi mom..." Dawn gave her a half-hearted smile.

"How are you?"

"... I'm living, you know. It's hard," Dawn admitted. She was going to tell her mom that there wasn't any need to worry. But that would have sent her packing all the way to Hearthome and into their spare room (the nursery?) for a week.

"I know it is, dear." Her mother let out a sigh.

"I just... I wanted it to fix everything, and it didn't. It wouldn't have even if I didn't lose her," Dawn slumped in her seat, before glancing up at the screen. "I think it was a girl. She was a girl. I mean, I don't have any proof. But I would have called her Elisabeth, I think." She looked at her mom through the screen, and she wished that she could be there in person.

"That's a nice name," her mother mused, "What does Kenny think of that name?"

Dawn sucked in all her breath. "I don't know. I haven't asked. We haven't talked about it."

"About the miscarriage?"

"About anything."

Johanna frowned. "Dawn... You know that isn't healthy. You know that can't be how you handle things."

"I know, mom," she said it with a sigh. "But-"

"Dawn, you are twenty-one years old. You are _young_. In order for a relationship to work you have to _communicate!_ You know that. Especially with something as important as this. You lost a child, Dawn. It doesn't matter if you were five weeks along or twenty-five. And you hadn't even told him you were pregnant." Johanna was stern, and both woman were reminded of when Dawn was ten years old, losing after a contest.

"But mom, I wanted it to be a surprise for him!" Dawn's protest left her mouth before she could stop it.

"You didn't tell anyone you were pregnant," she reminded her. "You were hiding it!" That stung. She wasn't _hiding_ it! She was excited to tell Kenny! She had counted down the days, and she called him, and she was going to come up with something cool to tell him with. Dawn avoided contemplating how he was going to react- what if he rejected the pregnancy or wanted her to get rid of it? What if he was angry? What if- because it wasn't relevant. She was excited, wasn't she? Wasn't she?

"I told Paul," Dawn blurted out.

"Who?" Johanna was confused. "What?"

"I- Ash's old rival when we were kids," Dawn mumbled.

"You're still kids," Johanna muttered, shaking her head at her daughter. "I remember. He was an unpleasant boy, wasn't he? Why did you-"

"He caught me with the test and I ran and then I saw him again and I just... I blurted it out without thinking. I just wanted to... talk to someone and then I just... burst," she muttered.

Johanna pressed her lips into a thin line, staring at her daughter critically. "Why did you run when he saw you with the test?"

"I don't know."

"Dawn..."

Dawn flinched slightly and ran a hand through her hair. "I don't know. I just... Mom... I don't know what to do anymore."

"You need to _talk_ to him Dawn. You can't live like this. Please, sweetie?"

She stared at her mother's hard expression. The kind where she was being told that she must absolutely follow what she said. But her eyes were sadder. Her mom was worried, she could see that, but she wasn't sure she wanted to talk to Kenny. She didn't even want Kenny to touch her anymore... Her shoulders slumped and she hung her head. She had to talk to him. Figure out what they were going to do because she just couldn't do this _alone_ anymore. Piplup nuzzled her, chirping in agreement.

"Okay mom," Dawn sighed, absentmindedly petting her pokemon. " I gotta go, okay? I love you."

"I love you too."

* * *

Dawn entered her apartment, her faithful pokemon at her heels. It was quiet, and she had a familiar feeling that something wasn't right. She could see it... The piece of brown fabric that just barely poked around the corner of the hall that lead towards their bedroom. It almost matched the hard wood floors. she might have missed it if it wasn't for the white, flowery top that was lying just next to it.

"Piplup," Dawn whispered. The pokemon was angry and was angrily trying to move around her. It seemed the pokemon not only started to connect what she had, but was a lot more ready to go shoot a bubble beam in Kenny's general direction than she was. "Please go into your Poke-ball." The pokemon glanced up as Dawn pawed at her belt, and didn't complain as she returned the pokemon. "I'll take you and everyone to the park after this is over. Train some. Model some, too. I have new designs for water pokemon. Your bubble beam will look great with it." Piplup would already know that, though. He had helped her develop it.

But she still walked forward, trying not to take in any of the details. Not having to step over her husbands pants, or how the apartment seemed to drop ten degrees because of the chilly breeze coming in through the window. She tried not to notice the panties or the boxers curled near their guest room or the black lace bra with the broken clasp laying by the just barely open door, where soft music was heard as well as the various sounds of her husband grunting and a woman giggling.

When she got to the door, she nudged the bra away with her foot, and stopped. She couldn't see anything. Dawn could turn away now and pretend nothing every happened. Try and fix her relationship with Kenny, whatever was left of it. She could forgive him, couldn't she? Was she strong enough to try and fix this?

Dawn had backed away slightly when she realized that she didn't want to. She could run away. Have Paris assign her a job far away, perhaps making clothes for Pokemon Performers in the Kalos region. But that would be cowardly... Her mother would murder her. Her friends would be horrified. Her pokemon wouldn't be happy. _She_ wouldn't be happy. Dawn took another step forward, and slowly opened the door

"Kenny?"

* * *

After the woman had left, Dawn sat on the edge of the bed and waited for her husband to say something as he finished putting his clothes back on. Piplup and Buneary had taken their place on the bed, having angrily come out of their pokeballs to witness what was going to happen. They seemed angrier than she was. But Dawn... She was absolutely furious, but she was tired. She was tired of fighting and it just didn't seem to be worth it anymore.

And the thing that made it all more infuriating was that he seemed to be just as tired as she was. She wanted him to _try,_ and he never wanted to seem to. Or maybe he did and she just never picked up the signs, but even so... Dawn finally was the one that broke the silence.

"I want a divorce."

Kenny didn't say anything.

"I want to know why, too," she said, glancing at him. He wouldn't look at her, and Dawn felt her blood start to boil. "You can't just _do_ this Kenny! You don't get to just not say anything after you cheated on me. You don't get to do that! Why won't you tell me why or what happened or... _anything_! Please?"

Kenny glanced at up at her. "I didn't want to have a baby."

Dawn stopped her rant short. They hadn't talked about the miscarriage much since their fight in the hospital. Just what Dawn needed to recover and how it was going to be for a while, but nothing like that. She stared at him.

"I named her," she said, simply.

He stared at her. "How did you know-"

"I hoped. I named her Elisabeth. Elisabeth Anne."

"Anne? After Gran-Gran?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"That's an okay name."

They were silent for a bit.

"You don't like it when I touch you anymore."

Dawn glanced at him. "No, I don't."

"You cringe away."

"Yes."

"Why?"

"I don't know," Dawn whispered, truthfully. Looking over at him, she sighed. "I don't want this anymore. This isn't working. We can't talk to each other like we used to. This isn't like when we were eighteen and traveling with Barry. This isn't..."

"This didn't meet our expectations," Kenny replied, sighing as he sat next to her on the edge of the bed.

"Why did you cheat on me?"

"I don't know. Because I wanted to form that connection again... I just... I don't know."

"You wanted to form a connection with someone else?" Dawn asked, glancing over at him. She tried to swallow her fury, but she knew that she was speaking a little too harshly and a little too loudly. But she was also reminded of what she tried to do with Paul- she didn't want to sleep with him by any means, but she wanted to not feel ignored, especially when she had something growing inside her. That should have been the warning light that something was _wrong._

"... Yeah. I guess."

"Did you ever do it while you were traveling?" It hadn't occurred to her until just then.

Kenny was silent for a moment. "Once. In the beginning." Dawn nodded once.

"I want a divorce." Dawn repeated.

"Me too."

Dawn was twenty-one years old when her marriage ended.

* * *

She was twenty-one and a half when she moved out of her apartment and into a smaller one across the city.

"- drop anything, I'll fine you fifty million dollars!"

Dawn felt herself rolling her eyes as she shifted a box of her clothes. "It's _my stuff_ , you dingdong!" Dawn watched her moron of a friend as he sped back to the small U-Haul to get more stuff. Barry had insisted on helping her move, it was a big step, according to him. And he wanted to be supportive. He was like that with Kenny too, but he had taken to traveling once more, and Barry had settled with becoming a Breeder and part-time school teacher. Barry had even insisted on arranging her apartment in a 'fashionable' type.

She watched Buneary and Piplup trying to get a smaller box up the stairs, and she smiled sadly at them.

"Dawn? What's up?" She glanced over to see Zoey staring down at her, concerned lacing her features. The past year Dawn had unintentionally distanced herself from her friends, especially after the miscarriage. May and Zoey had taken that the hardest, but once she apologized and gotten back into their lives, they hadn't let go. Zoey had also insisted on coming to help her move, and May was there in spirit. She had work in Hoenn.

Dawn shrugged slightly. "They didn't wanna move out of the big apartment and they've just seemed so... sad lately. The others too. Even when I take them to battle... I just... I dunno. I wish there was something I could do." Zoey frowned at her.

"Dawn... They're upset because you are," Zoey said, moving over to pat her on the shoulder. "You aren't happy anymore, not when you battle, not when you design, and they're concerned."

"I'm not depressed-"

"I never said you were," Zoey pointed out quickly. "You just have to get back on your feet, ya know? Find yourself again and then use it to move forward."

"Last time I found myself I got engaged to Kenny," Dawn muttered flatly. Zoey grimaced.

"And you're going to learn from that experience, aren't we, DeeDee?" Zoey relied, patting her on the back.

Dawn glowered at her, but before she could she could say anything there was a loud crash from behind them. Whipping around, the girls groaned loudly. Barry had fallen, and the contents of the cardboard box spilled over the pavement.

"Barry!" Dawn groaned loudly, "C'mon you've just fined yourself!" Dawn went to help him up while Zoey went to pick up her things.

"I can't fine myself!" Barry groaned, moving to sit up.

"You moron, you cut your forehead-"

"Oh my god Dawn!" Dawn and Barry glanced over to Zoey, who was howling with laughter at the picture frame in one hand. Piplup had bounced to see what was in the photograph and began to squeak in laughter.

"What is that?" Dawn asked sharply, forgetting about Barry's wound and poking her head over Zoey's shoulder. "Oh my god..."

The frame and glass were damaged from the fall, but you could still see the picture. There she was, her sixteen year old self, beaming at the camera with the Sinnoh Ribbon Cup in her hand. Behind her was her Mamoswine and Pachirisu, along with Piplup in his cheerleading outfit.

"Look at your _hair_!" Zoey was howling, and Barry, who had a papertowel pressed to his cut, glanced over and began to cackle too. "You have a _fringe_!"

"What?! Don't laugh at me! You remember who won that Grand Festival with that fringe!" Dawn shot back, but she was giggling too. She snatched the photo frame and shook her head as it came undone. "Holy crap, look at that, the one from Hoenn is beneath it." Dawn removed the first picture to reveal a second and a third. The second had her first Grand Festival win, this time in Hoenn. She was in the middle surrounded by all her pokemon, not looking at the camera, but beaming up at her mother, Zoey, May, and Ash, all who had come to support her.

"You used Quilava, didn't you?" Zoey asked, trying to crane her head to see over Dawn's shoulder.

"Yeah, and Piplup too. I used fire and ice against Ursula- oh my good god!" Dawn shrieked, pointing to the corner of the photograph, where just the corner of a very angry looking Ursula was visible. Zoey and Dawn looked at each other before beginning to howl with laughter.

"I forgot about Ursula!" Zoey was wheezing.

"So did I! God, she was such a horrible little thirteen year old!" Dawn cackled, shaking her head. "She was so _mean_."

"Oh man, like you were any better Dawn, you were obsessed with your hair!" Zoey countered.

"At least I was _nice_!" Dawn began to stammer as Zoey gave her a pointed look. "And B-]-Barry was in love with Paul!"

Barry was tinkering with more stuff that fell out the box as he pressed a paper towel to his head until Dawn started shrieking about his love life. His face burned red. "I was _not_ in love with Paul!" He exclaimed. "You're the one with the the ugly blue fringe!"

"It was not _ugly!_ " Dawn countered. "And puh-lease! You were all over him when we were teenagers! You were all 'Paul this' and 'Paul that' and 'Gym badges from all the regions'! It was ridiculous!"

"It was not! What's wrong with admiring a trainer!"

"I dunno Dawn, look at this," Zoey flashed the picture of sixteen year old Dawn in front of her face before she could retaliate to Barry. Dawn stared at her smiling self, somewhat sheepishly.

"Okay... I guess it's pretty bad."

"What's the third photo?" Barry asked, suddenly interested. Dawn blinked, looking down. The three young adults seemed to forget they were supposed to be moving stuff into the apartment and were content with sitting there out on the pavement, their pokemon roaming about.

"Oh! It's from our Grand Festival, Zoey! Look!" Dawn grinned. It was a picture they had taken together, along with Ash and Brock and all of the pokemon they had met. Zoey looked and cringed.

"Oh my god, we were fetuses!" Zoey shook her head, before her eyes widened. Barry coughed awkwardly, and Dawn shifted slightly. "Oh, Dawn I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"It's fine," Dawn gave her friend a grin. It would be fine. She pushed any awful thoughts out of her mind. "I mean, you're not _wrong_. God, look at that... I wonder why I didn't wear my pink dress."

"Your mom gave you that outfit, didn't she?"

"Yeah. But that pink dress was my good luck charm."

Zoey snorted, shaking her head. "I don't think that's how that works."

"I dunno, that's how I remember it." Dawn laughed, moving to start putting everything back in the box. Her two Ribbon Cups, her folded up Grand Festival dresses, her ribbon cases... Dawn shook her head. She had retired from her status as a Top Coordinator at a young age, and got a very good job as a Poke-Stylist not even a couple years later.

"Ya know, Dawn," Zoey helped her and they all stood. "We should do a contest battle."

Dawn looked at Zoey's ginormous grin, and almost rolled her eyes. "C'mon, we gotta get all this crap at least _inside_ my apartment."

* * *

"How ya doin', Dawn?"

To be honest, she was getting really, really sick of people asking her that. She was twenty-one years old, she was going through a divorce, she had lost a child, and she was trying to reevaluate what she wanted to do with her life, which was scary. She felt too old for this, even though she knew she was still to young to do anything. It was incredibly frustrating, and she wished Ash would just get the picture.

"I'm holding up, ya know," Dawn shrugged slightly, hugging Piplup a little tighter to her.

Ash nodded. "Yeah, I know..." He stared at her through the screen and shifted awkwardly. His pikachu was sitting on his shoulder like always, and Dawn couldn't help but smile. He was the same lunkhead as usual, he just happened to have finally gained the title of Pokemon Master in Kanto at age nineteen.

"What's up with you, Ash?" Dawn finally asked. She didn't need to be checked on every two days like he seemed to think.

"Nothin' much. Had a tough battle the other day, but Pikachu and I tore through'em!" He grinned and Dawn felt herself rolling her eyes.

"I'm thinking about doing a few contests," Dawn offered.

"Oh? Really?! Like official ones and everything? Like coming out of retirement as a Top Coordinator?" Ash suddenly seemed excited and Dawn recoiled slightly, rubbing the back of her neck.

"Well, I dunno about that," she admitted. "But Zoey, Barry, and I were going through some of my old stuff when I moved... And I dunno, I haven't done a contest in forever. I might be rusty."

"Still, you should try if you want to."

"I haven't thought up any combinations in forever."

"You could think of some now."

"I'll need a new dress."

"Dawn." Ash stared at her like she had four heads. "You realize you're a Stylist, right? Just because you make clothes for pokemon doesn't mean I haven't seen you whip up a new outfit in a _day._ "

Dawn snorted. "Yeah, I know. I just don't know if it's a good idea."

"How come? I think it's great! Even if you're just competing for fun... And you could always start teaching a Coordinating class like your mom!"

"Um, as if. Let's try a contest before I do anything else, Ash," Dawn rubbed the back of her neck. That was a little... _fast_. She didn't know if she could do it. Ash stared, before sighing and shaking his head.

"Do you have the drive to compete again, Dawn?" he asked.

"What? Of course I do!" she said, offended. "I still battle constantly with my Pokemon- they'd get bored otherwise. You know how Piplup and Mamoswine are."

"That's not what I meant. I mean... Are you doing this just to prove something?"

Dawn paused slightly, her head tilting slightly. "I think it will be good for me," she admitted. "I don't know if I want to or not... Or if me being scared I'm too outdated to be competing- especially in an upper class contest. This isn't anything like when I was sixteen, you know? But I'm gonna try. Right? There isn't a harm in trying."

Ash thought about it for a moment. "Well... Then I guess there'd be no need to worry, huh?"

"Isn't that when you worry the most?" Dawn grimaced.

Ash snorted, shaking his head. "Nah. I only worry when you tell me not to worry," he grinned at her and Dawn rolled her eyes. "But hey, have you heard about Paul?"

Dawn froze for a moment, before shaking her head. "Paul? No. I haven't seen him for a couple months. Last I heard he was talking with Fantine about a job or something."

Ash snorted. "Understatement of the century. He's becoming an official Gym Leader, ya know, in the League."

"What?!" She stared, her jaw dropping. "No way, seriously? There hasn't been any word of Fantine retiring or anything! She just said that she was going to be competing in contests and doing gym challenges, well... Until she dies, I guess," Dawn said, grinning sheepishly as she repeated the words she saw Fantine scream on television as she performed divinely in the appeal round of Hearthome's recent contest.

"Volkner is going to the Elite Four," Ash explained, and Dawn's jaw flew open.

"No way, really? I thought he got his morale back and everything when you battled him..."

"Dawn. That was ten years ago."

"Oh, but I guess that was a long time ago now..." Dawn said, eyes wide. "Who's leaving the Elite Four?"

"Bertha. She says she's gotten too old for battling like she has been."

"So Paul's going to Sunnyshore City..." Dawn murmured. "Wait. Why was he talking to Fantine, then?"

"To gain approval from other gym leaders. If you don't remember, Paul was quite the little shit when he was younger." Ash grinned.

Dawn snorted. "I seem to remember almost pulverizing him in Roark's gym. I think he's gotten better, though..." Ash stared at Dawn through the screen for a moment, and suddenly, Dawn recognized the flash of panic that would start word vomit. Ash and her weren't very different when it came to that.

"He told me to check on you," he blurted. Dawn's eyes narrowed.

"What?"

"He said he ran into you once or twice and, well, he said..." Ash trailed off. Dawn wasn't sure what to say, but she suddenly felt a little angry.

"Said what?" she asked, sharply.

"Well, you know how he is. He's a lot better since he was eleven, but he he was so cryptic. He just said that you needed someone that wasn't..."

"Or?" she prompted.

"Um. Kenny."

She shouldn't be angry. Paul wasn't _wrong,_ and she wasn't ten anymore. She didn't care what he had to say, but it sort of hurt that he went to Ash instead of just saying it to her face... Then again, she probably would have started to bawl her eyes out due to hormones and the excess of stress. And Paul, last she heard, didn't really do emotions.

"I told him I was pregnant, you know," Dawn finally defused slightly and let out and irritated sigh.

Ash's ears turned pink. "You did?"

"Yeah. I panicked because like a week before that I implied he had a uterus, and tried to apologize," Dawn said, watching as Ash stammered slightly at the mention of the word 'uterus'.

"Oh. Well, I mean-" Dawn snorted and shook her head.

"Ash." Dawn stared at him pointedly. Really, she wondered how Misty dealt with him. "Hey, listen... I have to ask you something, okay?"

"Shoot."

"Why do you think I quit contests?" She wasn't sure of why she stopped, other than just... not wanting to continue with doing it anymore. That was the excuse she used, Dawn just wanted to find something new. Her mother tried to explain that it would get harder if she continued, moving onto Master Rank contests, which was meant for older and very skilled coordinators... But that was a rarity, and Dawn seemed to remember her mother telling stories of it being cut throat. She hadn't felt any interest in that.

Ash was staring at her, finally silent for a moment. "You weren't enjoying it," he said, with a shrug. "Sometimes that happens."

"You never quit gym battles!" Dawn pointed out.

"Yeah, but that's because I always was facing new challenges- not that contests aren't a challenge, I remember entering a few of those too, ya know. But you got really good and I don't think you found any... personal connection with it anymore."

Dawn blinked, and her head tilted slightly. His explanation made sense, especially when she considered the photographs that were displayed on the shelves in her home now.

"It's cool Ash. I gotta go, though, I'll call you in a few days before my first contest. Watch me, 'kay?"

Ash and Pikachu were objecting, but Dawn just waved and clicked the end button.

* * *

She was twenty-one and three-quarters when she entered in her first contest in nearly six years. Dawn made a new dress, one that was simple and pink with a pretty white ribbon around the waist. For good luck, she insisted to Zoey and May, who both had different (and glittery) ideas of what she should wear. She made Piplup a suit. It was only fair to use Piplup for the appeal round. Just because he was a little older, didn't mean he couldn't show his stuff. Her other pokemon agreed. '

She breezed through the appeals around and the semi-finals. That was what made her pre-contest jitters come back to life. It felt like she was _ten_ again. It made her remember how horrible it was when she lost in the appeals around twice in a row. But Dawn had gotten full points in nearly everything. And maybe that wasn't fair because she _was_ still considered a Top Coordinator, a retired one, but she clearly still knew how to wrangle judges.

There was a power outage in the Contest Hall. It was the summer, and it was Sunnyshore City, so rolling blackouts weren't completely surprising. But it just made it worse for Dawn and her nerves, especially when she relocated to a Pokemon Center with power, only to see herself on TV as they continuously played the contests from that day.

Her leg bounced up and down anxiously as she sat there watching the screen. This was ridiculous. She was an _adult_. This would be fine, even if she didn't w-

"Dawn?" Dawn jumped completely out of her skin at the sound of someone directly behind her.

" _Reggie?_ " the girl spluttered at him. "What the hell, you scared the- the- the-"

"Hell out of you?" The older man grinned cheekily and Dawn let out a groan. Reggie was a good friend, even if he liked to sneak up on her. Dawn examined him, she hadn't seen him since her wedding. His hair was longer and he had a gold wedding ring, but he was just like his brother; Reggie hadn't changed very much.

"Very funny! What are you doing here anyway? Is Paul finally set up in the gym?" Dawn asked it offhandedly. She hadn't chosen Sunnyshore City on purpose, but it was the closest contest that wasn't in Snowpoint City, where Kenny was doing most of his still felt angry whenever she thought of her conversation with Ash.

Reggie raised an eyebrow. "Uh, not yet. Paul's getting the last of the remodeling done this week. Has he been talking to you?" Dawn shook her head.

"No, I heard from Ash. But I saw the papers here were publishing it, and, ya know, it's kinda big news when the torch is passed." Dawn shrugged slightly.

"Ah." They fell into a slightly awkward silence, before he continued. "I saw you perform on TV though. It's shame they can't continue on until tomorrow. You looked wonderful."

She felt a grin form on her face. "Oh? Well unfortunately, I'm showing off my pokemon, not me. Besides, I think Piplup looked ten times more wonderful than I," she said, giving the sleepy pokemon a loving glance. She saw Reggie smile and shake his head.

"Yes, Piplup did wonderful as well!" Reggie insisted, and they fell into a short, awkward silence. Dawn only could tell it was awkward because of the she saw his smile falter. "Hey... Dawn, how have you been doing?" _God_ she was sick of that question. She was sick of people coming to check up on her. But before she could open her mouth to say the utterly rude and inappropriate comment that was ready to come out, Reggie started talking again. "Really, Dawn. I don't mean to pry or anything, I just want to make sure you're okay."

Dawn's anger defused itself as she once again saw concern seep from his words, and she let out a big sigh. "I'm doing as okay as I can, I guess. Just trying to get back on track. Whatever 'on track' means."

Reggie reached to pat her on the shoulder, nodding. "Good. Listen, I gotta get back to the hotel. We'll watch the rest of your contest tomorrow okay? We're rooting for you!" He pumped his fist in the air, and Dawn snorted. He was such a dork.

"Thanks Reggie. Have a good night."

* * *

She won the contest. Dawn had won the contest easily. Maybe that's what bothered her, that she felt she hadn't really learned anything from the experience. Sure, it had been a lot of fun, and she met numerous new friends, but Dawn was fairly certain that she would never have the kind of rush like she had felt when she was sixteen and she had struggled to beat her opponents. She ended up giving the ribbon to her final opponent, because she had given it her all. Dawn couldn't say the same. But at least she realized this still hadn't fixed whatever it was she was trying to fix.

Dawn realized it was always at night when everything crept back to her her. She was going to walk back to Hearthome City in the morning, but that seemed a million years away as she walked through Sunnyshore at night. The rolling blackouts seemed to be in control, and at least all the street lights were on.

"Man, Piplup, what do you think?" she asked, rummaging in her bag to find her poffin case. "Did you like competing again?" He squawked at her, shaking his head. "Me neither." Dawn smiled ruefully. "I think I may start a line specifically contests though..." Dawn mused thoughtfully, kneeling to feed him a poffin. "You know, for people and pokemon." She reached to straighten his little blazer. He chirped thoughtfully, and grinned. "Not like pokemon performers, though that might be a thought for the future... I here Kalos is lovely in the summer..." Dawn trailed off as they approached the Sunnyshore Gym. It had been on the way from the contest hall.

It was open, despite the fact that there was another rolling blackout expected in the next couple hours. She scoffed. Of course the Gym would still be open. Paul never rested, did he?

Dawn thought she should make up some excuse or some reason that she was standing out here, just standing. She really didn't. The only things that really were relevant or mad any sense were that she had accidentally blurted out things about her personal life. Not to mention that she was a little miffed that he had brought her up with Ash... But that wasn't any of her concern. They weren't teenagers anymore. Dawn was almost twenty-two. Petty rumors weren't to be dealt with.

But she wouldn't deny the fact that she had spoken to him because maybe there was this foolish part in her that hoped he would _do_ something. Help her. Or at the very least make some emotional connection to her that she wasn't feeling through her marriage with Kenny. That couldn't be done in a single day, and it wasn't anyone's job to try to read her mind and realize she wanted help. Paul or anyone else wouldn't just come waltzing in and kick down the door and sweep her away and save her. Her job was to save pressed her lips together in a thin line in thought.

Piplup was leaning against his trainer, staring upwards at her furrowed brow. With a sigh, she straightened up. "C'mon Piplup." Dawn took a step forward, faltering for only a moment. She couldn't expect someone to be her night and shining armor and go in and save her like in some bad romance book. That was unfair, and she wasn't sure she even really needed saving anymore. The was a twenty-one year old girl who had absolutely no idea where she should go forward from this point on in her life. So she wasn't that much different from other girls.

With those thoughts in mind, Dawn walked into the building. Right now, as she tried to regain focus of her life, she needed to use the support of her friends, and just because she wasn't looking for someone to save her didn't mean she couldn't look for a new friend.

* * *

 **This is a work in progress work. It will probably be edited and finished fifty million ways since posting, but I just wanted to post it because it's been a long, long time.**


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